


Few Pieces Still Remain

by sakuracorr



Category: Covert Affairs
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 06:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuracorr/pseuds/sakuracorr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 3x12 "Wishful Beginnings". Annie through the eyes of three other people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Few Pieces Still Remain

It isn't clear to Joan until the touch in her office. It's not even an important touch, a hand on Annie's shoulder, but what matters is how much Joan feels it. She takes her hand away, gives Annie a curt smile, and Annie gives her the not quite smile and empty eyes that she's been developing since Jai died.

That has been this year, murder after murder, and all Joan has been able to do was to save one person. She's saved Annie.

Or she's tried to save Annie. She hasn't been the only one. It's been a group effort, and even then the odds have been impossible. How much do the rest of them care? Was it enough they all laid awake at night going over and over each decision? Because that's what Joan did.

It's harder to protect her. No, she can't protect her. Not really. The truth is Annie has been leaving her more and more these days. First she left the DPD. Then Joan had to let her go to Russia. She's had to watch Annie's constant brushes with death, wondering if they are some emerging independence or a death wish Annie doesn't want to admit to herself. It has meant too much to Joan. More than it should have. Joan would do a lot for her agents, but not this much.

So much that she's scared. She's scared that she's so involved in this, she's not going to get out. She's going to see it through, and she's seeing it through with someone who is impulsive and self-destructive. She's seeing it through with someone who might not even notice the effort or how much that effort has cost.

Joan knows it's not something any sane person should do. That she should get out now. That Arthur has a point when he doesn't let himself get attached to much of what happens around Langley.

Then she is in her office, her hand on Annie's shoulder. It is meant to be a casual touch. Nothing unprofessional. Yet it tells her everything she doesn't want to know.

\---

Eyal doesn't want to fall into bed with her. It's the opposite of what he's been trying to do. He's had to tell himself not to before, when she's given him that tired smile of hers, her hair tucked behind her ear, and he's found himself thinking of her living in his apartment. He thinks about it each time he's there. Strands of her hair are probably in the drain of the shower. The cups in the sink all bear residue from her mouth.

He wants her mouth. He wants to run his fingers through her hair. It's the opposite of what he's been trying to do.

Her mouth tastes like he imagined, and he has to wonder if he has kissed her before. If he has, he might not remember. It seems like such a little thing to kiss a woman. Yet his fingers are on the side of her face, and nothing about it seems little. She undoes the buttons of her own shirt. She started it. He's not sure if she knew she was starting it when she did, the step closer, the plea not to make her spend the night alone. “Not this once,” she said. “Not tonight.”

When are you going to let it stop getting to you, Annie Walker? That's what he wants to ask her. Wants to ask her how it seems to have seeped into him, the letting it get to him, letting her get to him. They are playing some game she has played before. He's not the first to fall, not the first she has let occupy this position.

He doesn't care. Not like he should. Her skin is like he imagined, maybe less special, maybe more. If he were smart he'd stop this now, let her spend the night alone, but he knows himself well enough to know it's not going to happen.

\---

It is only a delayed conversation. That's what Auggie tries to tell himself, and he knows that it might be the case. He knows that this might be paranoia. Annie has been through a lot. He might have isolated himself a little if he had gone through what she had gone through.

Only they aren't going through it together. It isn't something he blames her for, but the conversation, the one he wants to have with her, isn't worth having if he's not that person for her. The person who helps her get through it.

Do they ever really have someone to go through things with? At the CIA? Do they ever do better than temporary allies joined together by politics and occasionally a passing sense of personal responsibility?

He wanted to believe there was more than that, but now Annie is dealing with this on her own, and he is constantly waiting for her to be ready to talk. Even if he's starting to think that they aren't going to have that conversation, he knows he's going to be waiting for her. Waiting to talk, waiting for her to come back from wherever she has gone.

Because Annie never came back from Russia. She never came back from Lena. She never came back from that diner where she met Jai.

He wants to pick up a phone and tell her to come back. That he's lost enough. That they can get through this.

But even if he were to call, even if she were to answer, he's not sure that he could ever really reach her.


End file.
